The Perfect Dilemma
Social media, magazines and in society today, there is a reoccurring theme, we must "have it all" to be perfect. You need to have the perfect partner (who is hopefully mega-weathly, creative and spiritual), the perfect career (better if it involves being CEO of your own thriving, chic Eco-business), while also raising your perfect children, sporting your amazing body/hair/wardrobe/wrinkle-free skin, all while eating totally organic, sustainable food, that you grew in your garden and then whipped into some fancy looking dish, good enough to be photographed. (but wait you did that too:) In real town reality, we are human. And being a human means being messy. Life is messy. It is not orderly like out of an instruction manual, or as picture perfect as on Instagram and no matter how hard we try to control it, life can through curve balls and occasionally wrecking balls. And there really is limited time, so while we can do anything, we cannot do everything.
On this line of thought, there are some very prominent oxymorons I am personally working on and am blessed to be surrounded by other wonderful, strong woman who are also in a similar process of changing the way we relate to "perfect".
Striving at the same time as surrendering.
Setting goals without attachment to the outcome.
Being a happy person yet able to really sit in painful emotion.
As a mother, and I know I am not alone in this one, I am often torn between the natural nurturing instinct and the deep calling to express my purpose through my work. I fall on the side of being the "main" carer in our household, a job I relish and choose, but as with every choice, it comes with benefits and restrictions. Something has to give. At times I struggle that with this decision, to be there with my children, comes with the reality check that right now, I cannot achieve other dreams to the exact, high standards that I visualise, simply because I CHOOSE to be with my children instead of working more hours. While I LOVE it, at times it frustrates me... at times the feelings of failure creep in.
So I sit with the painful emotion of "not being good enough". Most of us know it to varying degrees. I have learnt when it rises, to drop down and into the discomfort of really feeling what it is like to not being the "perfect" of whatever it is that has triggered my reaction... It doesn't feel great but it passes and I come out feeling juicer, more tender and certainly more accepting. This rolls onto the surrender. Surrendering to where I am in life right now. Surrendering to the process of something bigger.
I am involved in some wonderful budding projects, that I am super excited about but as soon I get attached to a particular outcome regarding them, if it doesn't happen, disappointment can creep in. My mantra is "I surrender for serenity" because while I do believe in the power of manifesting, and have seen it in my life, time and time again, I am in a place now where I want life to express "through" me. I have visions and goals for the projects but ultimatly if the path or the end result looks different to what I had envisioned, so shall it be. I am conscious I certainly do NOT want my wellbeing to be tied up in outcomes and I encourage you to look into your life to see if it may be a shift you too can make.
So I make it a daily practise to create space for me to watch my own key habit patterns, through yoga, meditation and journalling. I am committed to keep relaxing, knowing that ok is good enough for now. That my intentions are pure and from my heart and I do what I can right now. To be compassionate with my own inner critic and in moments of doubt, remember the beautiful benefits of the choices I am making and why I made them in the first place.
To feel complete and whole in imperfection. Really this is my "perfect" dilemma.