The Gift of Motherhood
"Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically on their environment and especially on their child, than the unlived life of the parent." Carl Jung
Some weeks I don't get to my blog because life gets a little 'busy'. At this stage of life, this really means my family requires more of me outside work time and as I have limited time, 168 hours per week, as we all do, I prioritise what I spend my time on.
For me two values always rise over any of the rest. My own self-care and my family. Work, friends, etc are very important to me but I am very clear on my priorities.
I am also very aware I need bandwidth to be the mother, wife and woman I want to be. I cannot always be focused on only my children, although at times I have fallen into this trap... thinking it made me a good parent. At times it was healing, but at others it left a gaping hole, parts of me screaming to be heard.
I like to consider what it is that I believe makes a good parent. What do I want to give to my children? Safety. Love. Happiness. Attention. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
However the longer I am on the journey, the more I believe our greatest gift we parents can bestow on our children is to
Embody our full creative self and express it with authenticity, integrity and truth.
I know from my own childhood, my "stories, traumas and lessons" that children, although demanding and self-focused, are actually heavily invested in their parents wellbeing. Even if only subconsciously, it plays out into their adulthood, profoundly impacting on their path.
When we have deep desires burning away that we ignore because we are too busy attending to others, (or to work or other distractions) we can end up resenting our children or partners ( or ourselves) and taking it out on those closest to us- and it isn't their fault!
If we get in touch with the yearnings, prioritise them and take action towards them, ( even small ones) it brings fulfilment to our soul, moment to moment.
What we need is so individual and varies person to person and also often changes from stage to stage of our children's development. For me, mothering is a healing experience, one full of fun, challenges and requires constant opening and constant deep breaths to remain present, really present. I am conscious that I am living my dream and role on my journey by being with them the majority of my time but I also know I NEED my part-time work. It is an expression of something that wants to come though me... begging to be born into the world. I do my work and this blog for this reason; it's my little contribution and it fills up my cup. I NEED my daily yoga and once a year I NEED ( ok, I like) to go away alone with girlfriends for girl time.
What is it that you need? What fills up your cup? Make a list. Explore it. Are you making time for these things that nourish you in your life?
Don't buy into the guilt game. As a mother we are all good at it... own what is calling your soul and bring it.
I love the way a friend of mine put it.
"Beyonce may have the same amount of time in the day but she isn't picking the bits of pasta up off the floor after dinner, nor zooming around with cars all afternoon." And I'm glad. Because I like Beyonce and her music. And I am sure her daughter is cared for and loved and will admire her mother for following her calling...and getting someone else to pick up the pasta.
You may not need as much time as Beyonce but as mothers, we are in charge of creating the space we need to be who we want to be in the world. We need to take responsibility to take care of ourselves first so we can be a role-model to our children on how to have a loving and honourable relationship with ourselves and with the world and then our enthusiasm will spill over into the daily task we do with them.
My gift I would love to give my children is for them to be able to be in touch with their souls, to be brave enough to live their dreams and to be compassionate enough to love themselves each step of the way. May I show them the path...
“In the present world of time, woman has come to take the role of nurturing others. A balance must be found. The Earth Mother is ready and willing to nurture her daughters but her daughters must insist on taking the time they need to receive that nurturance themselves.”
~Jami Sams from The Thirteen Original Clan Mothers
I love these below short videos that I think can help us as mothers, as woman, as people, live a more peaceful authentic healthy life.